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His Existence Part I

25 Jan

For as long as I could remember, I’ve dreamt of a man without a face, always holding my hand, kissing me on the forehead and giving me comfort with his smiles and laughter.

The first time I was able to recollect my dreams completely began during my preteens. I was no older than a six grader when I first realized that my dreams may have underlying meanings to them. It was also then that this faceless man became noticeable. As do many people, I became very curious as to who he was. At the time, I had presumed that it must be my late older brother.

My older brother died of still birth. He was my parents first born. Unfortunately for my family, the topic of my older brother was almost close to taboo while I was growing up.  My parents tried their best to keep the information to themselves and I kept my dreams to myself. The more I entertained the idea of the faceless man being my brother the more I felt attached to this brother that I never met. I liked the idea that this brother of mine that I never knew was reaching out to me in my dreams.

Often in my dreams, the faceless man would only smile down on me. He kept a good distance, never so close to me, but near enough that I knew he was there. Because he never lessened the gap between us, I soon forgot all about him and stopped looking for him in my dreams.

As I entered high school, I dreamt of the faceless man once again.

He sat on the first step of our porch with a smile painted on his chiseled face, his right arm draped over his right knee as he looked to me. I had just come from school. I was dead tired, but his smile sent all the ache of the day away. He stood up to greet me and offered a hand, in which I gladly took. He clasped his hand around mine. I noticed right away that they were larger than my own.

That dream repeated itself many times. In other versions of the dream, we would be sitting on the porch and laughing and the real me would be watching myself talk to a stranger. In the dream, I looked and felt as if I was having the best time of my life. I started to search for this joy during the times I was awake. Near the end of my ninth grade, I decided it couldn’t be my brother as I was falling in love with the faceless man. The idea of it being my deceased brother now sounded ridiculous to me. Though he was a figure of wisdom and comfort, I could no longer accept that he could be my brother.

As I grew more into my teenage years, I gave the faceless man the identity of my soulmate. I declared to myself that this man could possibly be someone from my future rather than the past or even the present. (Though, I admit, I did think it was someone in the present during my junior year due to what people began to tell me.)

My dreams of the faceless man started to change as I reached late junior year and into my senior year in high school. He was no longer just sitting around. Once or twice I would dream of my crush at the time and the faceless man would appear and save me from embarrassing myself or getting hurt.

I looked at the gates of the school, waiting in anticipation for my crush to exit. It was nonsensical of me to await the end of the  school day as we didn’t even go to this school. I realized, I was staring at my middle school. I was standing amidst children twice younger than myself. As time passed, I grew more impatient and afraid. Was I going to confess to him in front of these kids? And in my dreams? I was so aware of where I was, I forced my dream to let me run, run as fast as I could away from them, from him. I ran without direction, and he was able to catch up. He was calling my name, but I chose not to turn. I ran and ran until I saw the comfort of my porch and the man that was sitting there nonchalantly.

At the time of the dream, I was in conflict with myself. People were telling me I should tell my crush what I felt, but I didn’t it was right. I didn’t know what to do. Should I follow my instinct and remain quiet? Or be swayed by the words of my friends? During this fight with myself, I dreamt of the faceless man once again.

End of Part I

 

If you have any ideas so far, feel free to comment about it. If you’ve encountered a faceless person in your dreams before, feel free to share your experiences. I’d like to hear your thoughts. – &velajune

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3 Comments

Posted by on January 25, 2013 in Dream Diary

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

3 responses to “His Existence Part I

  1. interested

    February 20, 2013 at 8:05 am

    Sounds interesting. How is this faceless man dressed? Casual or formal? Always the same or somewhat different? You claim he is faceless yet multiple times you mention his smile. And that he has a chiseled face. Hardly the description of a faceless man. Is he actually faceless? Or do you just refuse to notice his face? Your mind blocking it from memory? If he is faceless, describe his faceless-ness. Is he white(like paper) or a normal skin color? Anyway, it was interesting, and if you keep using the tag faceless, I’m sure I will stumble upon this blog again.

     
    • vela june

      February 20, 2013 at 4:48 pm

      That’s actually a good idea. I think I’ll go ahead and write a post describing more of how I see this faceless man. I’ll be sure to tag it faceless so that you stumble in here again. lol. Thanks for the questions. It’s got me rethinking whether or not I’m really just over looking his face.

       
      • Interested

        February 20, 2013 at 9:07 pm

        Good to hear you are taking my suggestion. I am interested in his dress-wear. and his demeanor. Is he inviting? Has he ever seemed threatening? Or scary? (dreaming about a man with no face would be scary I imagine). Other than his consistency, what draws you to him? I doubt it is his looks lol. Also, does he ever speak? Another interesting question, have you ever thought you saw him in real life? like during a day dream or out of the corner of your eye?

        Anyway, have a good night, I look forward to your follow up post.

         

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