Last night, I thought I would have a peaceful sleep and I never thought that even in my dreams, on the day of my birthday, I would be crying.
My birthday was last Friday. It started out quite well and I was having a wonderful 22nd birthday. My expectation rose, but my standards gradually lowered unconsciously. And as the day began to drag, I knew that I was yet again falling into that chronic depression. It didn’t help that as I watched a movie with my best of friends, some idiot was feeling himself at the seat beside mine. As if that day wasn’t bad enough, I am yet again thrown into Friday of January 31st in my dreams.
It began like the actual day with everyone smiling. People who I hadn’t seen for a long time now appeared in the dream. Friends were once again friends. We were on our way to the mountain? where a friend’s vacation home stood. There we spent our day. The details aren’t important though I can remember it well. As the day played on, I realized, the gathering had nothing to do with me. I could be lost in the woods and no one would know. In my dream, the air nipped and because of the heartbreak that I felt, I convinced myself to leave, but before I could I realized the sun had already set.
In this dream, I felt so alone in such a crowded place. Everyone was noisy and annoying while I kept to myself as much as possible. I couldn’t stand them. None of them. I wanted to be alone even though I already felt alone.