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She… they were children

22 Feb

I have plenty of recurring dreams.

I dream of that faceless man. I dream of the same houses, same weathers and the list goes on. I’ve had more than a few dreams about young girls at the age between 5-10 years old. For a very long time, I avoided little girls because of the fear I had towards my dreams. To better understand me, let me convey the many dreams of these little girls.

1st Dream

I was only in junior high, I think, when I first started having dreams of a little girl. Let me first describe her. She was small, thing frame, shoulder length hair and wore a short dress. I don’t particularly remember a face, but I would say, she often smiled.

The dream setting was in my grade school except the world was out of order. The ground was drowned in a sea of water and the only means of transportation were boats. Even though that was the case, the playground was still intact and playable. The shed of toys/ equipment could still be opened properly, entered properly and one wouldn’t be harmed by the high water level. But there were sharks and lots of other things that shouldn’t be there like docks, more smaller body of water, and other creatures not human.

This kind of setting is something I’ve dreamed of a few times as well (though not always with a little girl, I think).

In this dream though, she is always challenging me and we are always in a quarrel of some sort. Consciously, I am driven by pride and competitiveness. I often have control over my dreams and therefore, I can convey my conscious feeling to my unconscious quite easily. It’s not usually a problem of mine, but before we can compete on anything real, the dream ends.

This dream recurs a couple or so more and it happens in the same way. Sometimes new scenes/ events would occur in the middle, but the dreams are basically alike.

2nd Dream

The little girl in this dream has her hair tied in a bun, wears a longer dress than the previous and I don’t think she was smiling. I only dreamed of this particular girl once.

She was strangely in a dream I was having in a house I’d been to before. Again, I often dream of similar settings. The house was a mansion and a warehouse type. It’s huge with lots of rooms. I am running in this dream, running from something I don’t remember now. While running, I pass by an eerie room with the lights closed and where the only light can be found in a row of candles neatly arranged in front of her.

Imagine a type of seance, but with one participant and rather than sitting around a table, she is simply sitting on the floor.

She sees me and I make my way towards her because she’s familiar to me. Before I reach her, my dream ends.

I only have this dream once.

3rd Dream or Nightmare

Around my last year in high school, I started having crazy nightmares. As a teen, I think it’s obvious, I didn’t sleep early nor did I even care about it. I also at the time was in a state of depression and self doubt. I think knowing that is important. I often had dreams I woke up to in a paralytic state which I understand now to have nothing to do with my psychological state.

For more info: REM Sleep or Sleep Paralysis

At the time though, I was very horrified by the fact that I couldn’t move even with sheer will power. It scared me that I had no control over myself and that’s something I’ve always had.

Now I’m prolonging talking of the dream because I only remember a shorter version of it. It was a dream I decided not to dwell on because, again, I was scarred by it.

I remember running from something and I know that I am being chased by something sinister. In my dream, I hear my sister call my name. Because control of myself was something I pride in, I forced myself to wake up. I did wake up or was conscious that I was no longer in a dream, but I could not move. Instead these two little girls are fighting over me or something. One is sitting on me while another seems to be helping me. I couldn’t tell if one or both were evil, or if any!

The girl sitting on me was quite heavy. I couldn’t move my whole body and she was just there hovering over me with a kind of creepy smile and the other was laughing, but it didn’t sound evil. That’s why I don’t think she is because her laughter felt like a way to comfort me (but I panicked really bad). I tried kicking and punching and it really put a strain on my brain? on my conscious mind.

Ever since that dream, the little girls kept coming up. I think I even feared sleeping after that.

4th Dream

I went to the Philippines not too long? after having that dream. In that dream, I am in the Philippines, but so are my family. It was like I was dreaming the time my whole family (2007) came home for the first time in 8 years. They were sleeping on the floor while I slept on a bed that I was sleeping on at that current time. So, details of the past and present were getting all jumbled up.

The little girls in their dresses appeared. They were fighting over me again. One of them pulled me.

You see, in the room there are two beds, separated yet still quite close to each other. The little girl pulled be in that hollow place and the other watched or was it that they both pulled? My cousin woke up in my dream and this must be known, I think of her as a dearest cousin. She’s the only cousin my siblings and I are really close to. So, when she was pulled in, replacing me, I was in a state of dilemma. Even to this day, I can’t help the tears that are forming in my eyes. I am still quite disturbed by the dream.

I woke up crying after that. I think for a while, I was really attentive of my cousin. I think I worried about her for a long time.

Thankfully though, I only dream this once.

5th Dream

I dream of the pair of girls one last time once I have returned from my vacation. This time, it is the strangest dream of them I have ever had.

I was in a gray world. No one but me existed. I had to walk for a long time before arriving at a gate. At the gate, there is a woman who is looking at me in waiting. She wore a smile so warm that I was enveloped in comfort. She looked a lot like the Virgin Mary. As I tried to reach to her, the girls appeared. One or both, I can’t remember, was pulling me back. Maybe the other was pulling me forward. I can’t be sure. It becomes a struggle really quickly and I remember feeling desperate, desperate to reach the other side.

I don’t remember if I ever get to the other side, but I remember touching the chilling gate.

And that was the last of them I saw in my dreams.

6th Dream

Just yesterday, I dreamed of another little girl. Just one and she felt like one of them- like those two girls. I was in a real panic yesterday so I recorded it right after I had woken up. This is how my dream went:

the beautiful lights
I dream mof being outside with people I don’t recognize. We are playing by the side walk during the night and we are up to something. Night turns to day and we are now on the bus- now there are some friends I recognize. We are on our way somewhere I don’t know.

Sometime earlier or after, I dream of myself with familiar friends, but I am not comfortable. Wilson gives me that reassuring smile while Marv is lost in his own little world. Though he is with us, he isn’t with us. I dream of a friend who’s left a long time ago and who I feel regret towards, Grace. I dream of her and then I dream of him, Juan. And I become overwhelmed with emotions I can’t recall.

Another time, I dream of my best friends and I roaming around a mall/ station I have been to before in another dream. We have done something and I am now weary of something. One is holding onto something and I try to protect them. I know the place and we are easily saved.

Dreamt of a house I’ve lived in before from another dream. I am stumbling around in a familiar bathroom, trying to get ready for something. I take care of a little girl. she is playing with a little boy in a recent “memory” and she suddenly panics. I first don’t see what is wrong, but then, our mom shouts for the first time and I realize, the protection cast upon our house is disappearing. First it disappears in the room that we are in. I panic. First I ask for some “symbol” to recreate the shield. Then, I bring the children closer to the inside, calling family to gather. I and a male family member, come across a dark figure with a sinister smile. I am immediately overwhelmed with the feeling to act, so I pull him and I punch him and he disappears. The mother is now my real mother and the family is a mixture of people I do and don’t recognize. We pray. We light candles. I am unafraid. Even though I am mentally aware of the dream, I cannot control my body yet I am fighting. I am strong and quite protective. Near the end of the dream, two more family members crawl in the house, ready to fight off someone. That someone is only a businessman and I know that. I am the one who tells them. We pray. We light candles. The room with which the shield had disappeared from is filled with candles and though I know that the night winds are strong, the candles remain lit. The scene changes and there is a couple who enters the room that had disappeared before. They were from the bus. I don’t recognize the boy but the girl is someone I know of, but don’t really know. She is Sunhwa. They are a couple- not really admitting it to each other. He leaves her to go to the bathroom in the small room. She turns the TV on and she sees the monster that used to be dark/ black and is now yellow. He tells her that it isn’t over. She screams and I rush over. I worry about the guy. Again, I am protective. I rush them out of there and I make a promise to myself.

The house is the house I don’t often dream of, maybe once or twice before where there is a guy without a face/ features that I can see. But we never reach that floor of the house. We are always on the first floor. The house’s structure has been mixed with another house from another dream, a mansion. The bathroom I often see in that dream appears in this one.

End of dream.

The little girl in this dream is dependent of me. She feels like those girls in the previous dream, but I consciously choose to protect her from something more evil than how I had previously perceived her. I remember, she clung to me with exceptional familiarity. I was desperate to protect her, I think.

 

Now…

Let me ask you readers a question, what do you think this all means? Have you ever had this many recurring dreams of the same people, settings, weathers and emotions?

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Posted by on February 22, 2014 in Dream Diary

 

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