It’s been a while since I’ve dreamed of a guy around the age of the faceless man from dreams so long ago. He had dark hair, well defined jaw, and brown eyes. He was handsome and put together. Let me begin where I remember.
I was in my bedroom getting ready to sleep, but I have a headache both in dream and in sleep. So, I got up, slowly approached the door and opened it. It was around midnight because everyone was asleep except for my dad. I can see the light in the living room lit. I don’t hear anything and am caught by surprise when the dark handsome face pops out of nowhere.
“Hey,” he says.
I almost scream from the surprise.
“You can’t sleep either?”
I nod. I’m not too sure if I can actually speak or if I’m simply saying it all in my head.
We decide to go to a room where we can’t disturb anyone.
I know the house from a different dream. Every time I’m there, I’m there with family. This time, I knew the whole family was there and I knew deep in my heart, the dark handsome face is my deceased brother.
We arrived at the end of the house where I found a room full of drawing tables. It was that moment I realized, he was my brother. He is the image I have always wished him to be, someone who understood me.
We were talking together for a while before his friends and my friends I arrived. It was then that things escalated quickly. I don’t remember exactly what happened, but my brother says a few things that cause me to run. I run to another room and locked it, but it comes unlocked and he’s there. I run again, and there he is following me. This continues on. For a moment he laughs because I can’t get away, but I’m still mad at the words he said to me. So, I return to the room we came from and he calls out to me. That’s it, I’ve had enough and I shout at him.
I tell that it’s not like I don’t love my siblings, that I don’t love them that I’m the way that I am. I cry and my friends take me away to comfort me.
I remember, he looked so sad as he looked my way.
I don’t know if it matters, but the friends I was with are friends I haven’t seen in a long time.
Lately, I’ve been in a lot of self doubt and doubt in the path that I’m taking. I suppose, that doubt was projected in my dream as my brother. He is my subconscious, the representation of the me that thinks very negatively about myself. He right out put me down and I got defensive. I ran.
The fact that those “friends” aren’t familiar to me like my actual friends are most likely represents the fact that I haven’t told anyone about my problems and how much stress I’ve been going through. It also explains why most of my family is sleeping and why my dad is the only one awake. Even though he is, he’s unaware because he’s so into himself lately.
The house represents many things. The doors that I went through represent new opportunities that I don’t necessarily take advantage of. I go through them, but I don’t spend a lot of time there because doubt is chasing me down. Lack of floor- which I should have notice- represents that I have no firm grip on my own reality like I thought I did. All the glass windows in that studio room represents how hurtful shelter is. People are less likely to talk me down as much as I’m already talking myself down, but it will only hurt me in the end. It may also mean that I’m afraid of being exposed to harshness of my reality.
In the house, there are rooms that don’t work the way they should, even the doors themselves are broken. This means that things are falling apart. I’m falling apart. One in particular is a broken bathroom. Bathroom in a good way means the release of emotions. I shout at my brother after I go into a non working bathroom. It’s not a clogged toilet, but it’s also not working which can mean that I can release my emotions, I do, but it’s not to lessen the load on my shoulders like I think it’s supposed to do. It’s to simply say what I feel, if that makes sense.
Lastly, the studio room represents the person I want to be, the art I wanted to pursue but haven’t completely pursued in life. My discovery of this new room that didn’t exist before in other dreams means that I at least have an answer, a strength that I’m relying on which is quite true. I’ve started to paint a bit more than usual and have found that time to be very cathartic.