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a little too much…

06 Mar
a little too much…

I’ve been having cases of insomnia and hyper-somnia throughout the year. The thing about either one of them is that no matter what I do, I still turn out tired and depleted of everything.

This morning, I woke up half an hour past seven to my sister watching a Korean drama that she hasn’t finished yet. It’s good and all; I wasn’t bothered that I woke up earlier than I wanted to. By 10AM, I was already completely shutting down. My eyes were drooping close and I was completely taken under.

So, I decided I would nap before heading to school because I have class today.

Honestly, I didn’t think I’d have vivid dreams because I haven’t had them in a while. Last I had one was exactly a month ago from today. (Protego is an old dream that I had, but didn’t post until as of late.)

I’m not sure where the dream began, but I know very well where it ended.

In my dream, I woke up feeling heavy. I woke up to check the time because I didn’t want to exceed over the time I needed to head out. I was overcome with sleep paralysis. My legs were held by something I couldn’t see. This is a dream because of that. I heard a voice telling me that I couldn’t free myself. This must have happened more than twice in my dreams because the voice sounded like they knew what I would do.The last time I encounter this invisible being, my legs are being pulled and I was being pulled from the couch I took my nap in. I could feel myself desperately trying to disconnect from the it that pulled me. I could feel it’s grip around my ankles. My legs were heavy and as I tried to disconnect myself, the more I felt the pain rise from the bottom of my feet and all the way to my hips. I was sure he was trying to paralyze me.

When I got my right leg disconnected, I brought it my chest and still desperately tried to retrieve my left, but it just chuckled maniacally. It was truthfully scary. I screamed and shouted, hoping that my dad or brother would hear me, but nothing.

So, I did what I could only do. I forced myself back to sleep. At the time, I hadn’t known that I was still dreaming.

The dream within my dream was more coherent yet still incoherent.

*names used will be of my creation*

My sister (Julie) and I (June) arrived in a mansion (mentioned in a different dream). We were there for a reason that I completely explain as the memory of this dream is starting to fade. We were there to attend a contest- festival- gathering and Julie was one of the coordinators. She was in charge of talking to the players and such of the sort. Within that mansion, I met my cousins Bailey and Catherine. There was also my friend Milo, and other people I can’t name.

Firstly Julie and I are fed and then we are toured around even though I don’t think that I really was toured around in my dream. It just felt like from one cut scene to another. And then we all meet in the dining room where a map was hanging. Julie started explaining the rules of the game. And the people around were smiling, thanking her and calling her the best. I think the game happened somewhere between that, but I was never a part of the game. That was how I felt at that time. I was just there to support Julie.

Anyway, their happiness made me feel proud of Julie. In my head, I had somehow created this connection that Julie was here as a Harry Potter fan, as were the others. And I thought, Harry Potter fans are so great, thinking also of Evanna Lynch- an actress but firstly a fan.

My sister and I eat in the mansion, but I can’t remember that detail anymore, but I’m sure it happened. I walk away after talking to Bailey and head over to a different room where I recognize faces, but can’t really see familiar faces.I head outside where I run into people. I think one of them fall down and I attempt to help him out. rush of people and then I’m back to the moment Julie is talking about the rules of the game.

Deja vu?

I don’t really think about it then. This time, I am a part of the game. This is also where I meet up with Milo. After the explanation and a little talking with other people, we are all dismissed to start the game. Milo looks down at my sketchbook and asks, “they let you do that?” He had this disgusted tone that I’d never heard from him before or at least towards me. At first, I don’t understand and just say, “yeah”. When I realized that I didn’t understand his question, I tried to ask him what he meant, but he doesn’t say anything about it.

He waits for me, albeit begrudingly, constantly telling me things like “is that thing (my sketchbook) so important” or “do you have to bring that”. But I bring it because I want to ask him about it. When I held it in my hands, the sketchbook felt thinner than it looked. That was a curious thing.

We go around together and then suddenly scenes and scenario changes. For this case, I don’t think I’ll be able to explain it the way it was in my dream because I don’t understand it myself.

We’re still in a quest. More people are around me and we’re all after the same thing. There’s this small room- beautiful? very detailed- that a player needed to photograph themselves in. Zombies appear in the dream, but they weren’t something any of us worried about. It was still the game that took priority.

Something happens and this girl beside me tells me that we should ALL take a photo together and finish together. When the first batch exits, they try to tells us that we can’t take ours anymore. So, we assume zombies are the cause. Me and the girl from before step up, brave and still quite afraid of what might happen. The thing is, when I swung that jagged saw slitting the throat of the first being to step out, I was sure he was a zombie.

A best friend of mine, Sandy (her face tells me it is her, but I never say her name) cried out saying that the man I had just attacked was Cyntogruf. Cyn is a name I didn’t create to write this dream. He was the only person who had a name through out this dream, the only name I uttered. His name flashed in my head, that’s how I knew who he was. Otherwise, he’d just be another face in the dream. At that moment though, I felt my hands numb, let go of the saw and my heart just seized. I had just attacked a man, an innocent man.

When I truly woke up, I was still out of it, but the first thing that crossed my mind was, “I’m  hungry”. I just felt so empty emotionally that when I woke up, physically I also felt empty.

I must have still been seriously out of my mind because after a few minutes of waking up, and walking around, I could have sworn I saw a ghost of a figure in the hallway of my house. And my heart just for a moment seized on me.

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Posted by on March 6, 2015 in Dream Diary

 

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