Tag Archives: identity

it’s been a while, hasn’t it

It’s been a while since I’ve had dreams I remembered to a T.

I’ve had fleeting memories of dreams. But last night was the first night I actually felt they were vivid.


Let’s talk about my fleeting dream first.

If you follow my main blog, you’ll know all about Sunday guy. Sunday guy isn’t faceless guy. No. Sunday guy has a distinct face I’ve gotten to know over the course of years we’ve shared the same school and hometown.

Then one day, he stopped coming to church and my Sundays changed.

I had a dream of him. Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted by on November 23, 2015 in Dream Diary, Dream Meanings


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big brother is here in the apocalyptic brave new world

It began with a sci-fi city and an announcement that the citizens feared. It was a place full of crime and deceit. Her name was Thesla. She was new to the world. She was told, the key to survival was to never give her name. Upon exiting the place in which she was spawned at, she meets a man sitting on the ground. They look at each other first, waiting for the announcement to end. She looks at his tag. The letters on the tag flash and flip until the name becomes Norman. He looks at hers. Quickly, she creates a name. Ursula. He knows it’s not her real name and she panics. She runs back into the alley in which she came from and he chases after her.

I, the viewer, do not see what is happening. There is a struggle between the two and she emerges, extremely wounded.

Crowds of people rush in fear. I was amongst those people, running with my sister at the helm. She quickly sees Thesla and offers her help.

“Don’t worry,”
“She’s burnt.”

We carefully took her by the arms and escorted her with precision and speed. We rush into a market that I’ve been to before in my dreams and I am then so sure of myself.

“Food, we’ll need food.”

But we were in the aisle of chips.

“Trail mix or… Chex!” I let go Thesla, jump for the food on the higher aisles and return to their side.

We rush to pay. The cashier space looks like the other times I’ve dreamt of it. We seemed satisfied with everything we picked up. Though I hadn’t seen it, there were first aid kits and such within our grocery. I try to pay, but my wallet refuses to open. I look to my sister in a hurry.

“Me again?” She complained softly.

She pays still as she knew that we needed to go.

We exit and I don’t realize my sister has changed. She is no longer looking like herself, but looked like a best friend of mine. Or maybe she was there, but I’d already forgotten that she was. She was not holding Thesla. She was frantically looking for her car, our escape. My two other friends are there. They are holding the grocery bags.

She sees her mom’s car. She doesn’t refuse to go on it, but she also doesn’t offer. I think to myself, is her mom out there somewhere in need of it?

We look around together until finally, I get tired of it because we have a hard time looking when bunched together and are unable to move much. So, I hand the bag to [Madison]. She is surprised.

“I’ll go take a look. Stay together. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

As I prepare to dash off, we meet a girl that I and my sister had apparently met earlier, though I can’t remember much of that meeting anymore. She smiles and offers to help, sticking close to my friends and nodding when I told them to stay on guard.

I run back and forth, through entry ways and looking past glass windows and fences, but I don’t see it. I’ve run so much I decided to return. A man from my peripheral vision follows me, first with his eyes then physically. I know he is behind me and I think of ways to defend myself.

Some time in the midst of my worrying, I remember my brother is in the school nearby. I worry about him because I don’t know where he is and how he’s doing. I take out my phone and hurriedly dial for him, keeping in mind the man following me.

The moment that stranger is only an inch away, I attack. This moment repeats itself on its own until I’ve perfected my defense and he is knocked back. Roundhouse kick next. Faking a head butt that throws him off as he tries to dodge.

A man not too far off held a gun and watched us fight. I take it from and he willingly gives it. I shoot it but the recoil is too great and I fly back. The guy is on the floor, undead as he talks to the guy about how great my performance was.

The dream ends there as I awaken from the heat of the summer sun.

Anyway, I was really sure of myself through out it all because I’ve been to that place before and I’ve fought there before plenty times. Though, this is the first time I’ve ever finished a fight. Also, I’m pretty sure I had more dreams leading up to this big one, but I really can’t remember any of them. Something about a house I always feared in my dreams, but then later on in my life, I was able to enter it and meet one of the nicest old men I know. Something about running around a neighborhood. More protecting and fighting, I think.

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Posted by on July 25, 2014 in Dream Diary


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His Existence Part II

It’s been quite some time since I’d promised or at least claimed to write a second part to the previous post about my faceless dream guy. There’s been a lot of changes to my lifestyle between February and now. Honestly, those 6 months is plenty time to change gears, to walk on a different path. And this faceless man in my dreams has also changed.

I’m already at that point where he doesn’t matter as much anymore. He will be who ever he is meant to be and I don’t wish to worry about it as much anymore. But here is a little more of who he was to me and how I saw him.


He smiled with pearly white teeth and soft eyes. There’s no particular color because in the dream every thing was black and white. He was black and white in every thing. His actions were just that simple. And you would just know that he was genuinely kind. Deeply carved into his fiber is kindness without limitation. He didn’t have a particularly large forehead, but he was bigger than I was. He towered over me who is only 5’1″. His hair, I know from memory, was soft and easily carried by the wind. I just knew. He was careful and restrained, as to not scare me.

I’ve forgotten a lot of little details as time has done very little for my memory. I don’t exactly remember what he wore. Maybe a flannel shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, maybe plaid and maybe it was paired with jeans. Maybe he wore a sweater or a jacket because it was always winter in my eyes.  I just know he was comfortable sitting with me on my bricked front porch that didn’t have a proper furniture. We sat on the stairs and talked about things I don’t remember and never quite recalled. He sat straight up and looked at me while we talked. They were jeans. I know for sure. His forearms were never covered and I could see the veins on them. I could feel his heart beat through his wrists. I saw the nape of his neck.

Maybe he wasn’t handsome, but his actions made him handsome and frankly, that’s enough reason to go looking for a guy like him.



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Posted by on July 17, 2013 in Dream Diary


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His Existence Part I

For as long as I could remember, I’ve dreamt of a man without a face, always holding my hand, kissing me on the forehead and giving me comfort with his smiles and laughter.

The first time I was able to recollect my dreams completely began during my preteens. I was no older than a six grader when I first realized that my dreams may have underlying meanings to them. It was also then that this faceless man became noticeable. As do many people, I became very curious as to who he was. At the time, I had presumed that it must be my late older brother.

My older brother died of still birth. He was my parents first born. Unfortunately for my family, the topic of my older brother was almost close to taboo while I was growing up.  My parents tried their best to keep the information to themselves and I kept my dreams to myself. The more I entertained the idea of the faceless man being my brother the more I felt attached to this brother that I never met. I liked the idea that this brother of mine that I never knew was reaching out to me in my dreams.

Often in my dreams, the faceless man would only smile down on me. He kept a good distance, never so close to me, but near enough that I knew he was there. Because he never lessened the gap between us, I soon forgot all about him and stopped looking for him in my dreams.

As I entered high school, I dreamt of the faceless man once again. Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on January 25, 2013 in Dream Diary


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